Psalm 73

Truly God is good to Israel,

to those who are pure in heart.

But as for me, my feet had almost stumbled,

my steps had nearly slipped.

For I was envious of the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
For they have no pangs until death;
their bodies are fat and sleek.
They are not in trouble as others are;
they are not stricken like the rest of mankind.
Therefore pride is their necklace;
violence covers them as a garment.
Their eyes swell out through fatness;
their hearts overflow with follies.
They scoff and speak with malice;
loftily they threaten oppression.
They set their mouths against the heavens,
and their tongue struts through the earth.



Therefore his people turn back to them,
and find no fault in them.
And they say, “How can God know?
Is there knowledge in the Most High?”
Behold, these are the wicked;
always at ease, they increase in riches.
All in vain have I kept my heart clean
and washed my hands in innocence.
For all the day long I have been stricken
and rebuked every morning.

If I had said, “I will speak thus,”

I would have betrayed the generation of your children.

But when I thought how to understand this,

it seemed to me a wearisome task,

until I went into the sanctuary of God;

then I discerned their end.

Truly you set them in slippery places;

you make them fall to ruin.

How they are destroyed in a moment,

swept away utterly by terrors!

Like a dream when one awakes,
O Lord, when you rouse yourself, you despise them as phantoms.
When my soul was embittered,
when I was pricked in heart,
I was brutish and ignorant;
I was like a beast toward you.

Nevertheless, I am continually with you;

you hold my right hand.

You guide me with your counsel,

and afterward you will receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but you?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;

you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

But for me it is good to be near God;

I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,

that I may tell of all your works.

(Psalm 73 ESV)

Shhh....Listen

Good times, happy family

It was an auspicious weekend... the first ever Hodgdon family reunion and the last time we would ever stay in a waterpark hotel... completely over-rated... the hotel... NOT the waterpark.  

The "toilet bowl"... coolest ride ever..... to date.

The Paul Bunyan waterpark

The kids instinctively knew when the bucket would drop.  They would disappear and reappear sopping wet
(as opposed to just plain wet.)

MAJOR accomplishment for Barrett!  What you don't see is the top view of the rock.  VERY skinny and WAAAY up there... When it was my turn it took all my nerves just to sit on it longer than a minute.

Uncle Chuck and the kids

Grandma Char and the kids

The daughters... Lynn, Christine and Gail

The sons....Barrett, Mark and Chuck Jr.

ALL together for the first time...

The whole family minus the older cousins plus one step granddaughter, Cassidy

Trying to make Mark feel tall

Twins... for now

Later on that night....

Ethan is relaxing, Barrett is passed out, Kya is watching the clouds and Cooper is wondering where we are going to next...

So starts the fall photos...

Even the ground was colorful!

Light glowing through the ferns

It was majestically quiet behind all the rocks.   I could have stayed there all day.

The lifts for the lazy people

Last day...

The kids found crayfish and were hoping Dad would catch one.

The following weekend was just as auspicious... my uncle was inducted in Concordia St. Paul Hall of Fame.... for most of the world, this is just a great honor... but for our family.. it's a wonderful, well deserved honor for my uncle.. since this has been a ghost he's been chasing for about 50 years... ever since professional athletes have commanded the attention of his father rather than his own son.  His father's indifference was greatly overshadowed by our love and pride in his accomplishments.  We found out that night he made the first ever touchdown for Concordia's football program and other major accomplishments.  They also played the Stillwater Prison once.  The stories kept coming all weekend long...

Uncle Paul's football buddies.. the one directly on Uncle Paul's left, Wille, was the one who nominated him.

Mom and Uncle Paul

"Put me in Coach!"

John the Baptist was an interesting person.

His mom and dad were OLD and yet God saw fit to bless them with a child after years of prayers.  Zachariah's response?  "And, NOW you come?"  So God shut him up for a while.  Elizabeth just said a HUGE "Thank you".   Smart woman.

Even while in Elizabeth's belly, John was filled with the Holy Spirit and leaped for joy when Elizabeth saw Mary coming.  John REALLY knew what was coming.

While growing up, John lived by himself in the wilderness and listened to God's voice guiding him and giving him tips on how to recognize Jesus.

Finally when John started his public showings, he paved the way to alter people's ideals of a prophet, to focus on the truth and told people to look deep in their hearts to change and follow Jesus.

John was very clear with the Pharisees.  They were clearly expecting another "more worthy" person to save the world.  They could not see past their rules and regulations and self made importance to open their hearts to see the truth and the light standing in front of them.

“You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? ⁸ Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. And do not begin to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ For I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. ⁹ The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire." Luke 3:7-9

Just seeing Jesus, John recognized the honor and glory that was with Jesus and was happy to "decrease".

“A person cannot receive even one thing unless it is given him from heaven. 28 You yourselves bear me witness, that I said, ‘I am not the Christ, but I have been sent before him.’ 29 The one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. Therefore this joy of mine is now complete. 30 He must increase, but I must decrease.”  John 3: 27-30

Even with all this, while John was in jail after pissing Herod off, he sent word via the disciples to ask Jesus, "Are you the one, or should I wait for another."

Jesus promptly did miraculous things and sent word to John about the power given to him from heaven.

 “Tell John what you have seen and heard: the blind receive their sight, the lame walk, lepers are cleansed, and the deaf hear, the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them.” 

And then said, "And blessed is he who keeps from stumbling over Me " Luke 7:23

I was amazed at this.....John the Baptist who was compared to Elijah, has his doubts.  I recently had my own John the Baptist moment.  I felt like a pawn in God's kingdom.  I had my own expectations on what God should do and where I belong in this world.  After a couple of days wallowing in my own pity pot and sour emotions, I started listening and was told gently but firmly to wait.  God came with HIS GLORY and HIS GRACE and reminded me He has everything under control.  

He doesn't need our approval, God has been around since the beginning of time and He will do things all for our good and prosperity.....IN HIS OWN TIME.

So chillax and bask in His Glories and Wonders.

But....

I want a cheeseburger and fries and a coke and....

Who Am I???

Casting Crowns "Who Am I"

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are 

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/c/casting_crowns/who_am_i.html ]
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are 

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are 

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

Times like this..

My plan failed.

I was going to relish in the silence.  I was going to exclaim my 2.5 hours of independence.  I was going to act irresponsible and do absolutely nothing.

I felt exactly like I did a month after I had my first baby and my husband and I went on a date.  I thought about my little bundle back at home and wanted it safely inside me again so I would never have to worry about her ever again.

The 2.5 hours after dropping Cooper off, I sat in front of the computer and looked for a job because I wasn't going to mope.  Just like grocery shopping on an empty stomach, you shouldn't look for jobs when you are feeling antsy.  Receptionist at a massage place.... looked really good.....my paycheck would suffer, that's out.     Working from home placing ads... I would hate myself.  Working at my husband's former workplace... they're desperate... and they need women.   Nope, I don't need the harassment and I'm not fond of court rooms.  Nothing and everything looked good... I wasn't getting anywhere....

So, I closed up shop and picked up my little bear..... and that running monkey hug never felt so good.   He said school was fun, he loved snack but he got in trouble for not sitting still.... yep... that's my bear.  

Beginnings are rough.

The world is an oyster...

... then comes the baby in the ba-by carriage.

This is a discussion I had with my littlest bear this morning:



"Mom, there is something in my dinosaur."   

I pick it up and shake it.  "There must be some sand in there."

"No.  It's not sand."

"What is it?"

"A Lego... can you get it out?"

"It sounds like sand.  How do you know it's a Lego?'

"I put it in there.  Can you get it out?"

"How did you get it in there?  Where did you put the Lego?" (The only hole I knew about was a drain hole where tub water can drain out)

"In it's mouth.  It was hungry.  I need to get it out."

"Dinosaur's eat Legos?   Well, you may need to wait until he poops it out."

Cooper thinks about this while shaking his dinosaur.  "He can't poop it out......... Let's cut it out!!"

"You can't cut it out, Cooper!  We have no bandaids for dinosaurs and he's going to cry!"

"But we NEED to GET IT OUT!"

"Then don't stick things where they don't belong!"



....And there I realized, I had Stage1 talk with my little boy about the birds and the bees....

Breathe!

As I sit here on a semi-warm, semi-quiet morning after the big kids have gone to school and Cooper has made a village of dinosaurs take over my kitchen and dining room, I am thinking about what I will do before I find a job and go back to work.

My first thought was of an episode with Rachel in "Friends", after finding she was all alone in her apartment for the whole night, takes full advantage of "sing like no one is watching"..... in the nude.

Rachel dances

My other thought was to crawl back in bed...but WHY???
Because of the school budget, the kids are going to school an hour later!!  My prayer has been answered!!  Nice leisurely wake up at 7, find the kids under their covers at 7:30, eat and dress by 8:15 and out the door by 8:25.  The littlest bear then off to school by 9, and  for 2 hours......what to do, what to do...

I still got nothing...  No... strike that...

For the first day, I will.....


....just sit.  

On my swing.   Drinking coffee.  No swiffers, no laundry, no going to parks, no voices.

It will be my Sunday... for

 2. 

whole.

hours.  


Bliss.

Labor Day

Crown him with many crowns,
the Lamb upon his throne,
Hark! how the heavenly anthem drowns
all music but its own.
Awake, my soul, and sing
of him who died for thee,
and hail him as thy matchless King
through all eternity.

Those who labor and are heavy burdened....click on this link.

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

²³ May God himself, the God of peace, 

sanctify you through and through. 

May your whole spirit, soul and body 

be kept blameless at the coming 

of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

²⁴ The one who calls you 

is faithful,

 and he will do it.

Be still, and KNOW...

To love is to act on a feeling.  How do you love a principle?  How are you loyal to a thought?  All of these require some sort of action.   

I love my family, immediate and extended.  I am loyal to their well-being and want every best thing for them.  I love my friends.  I am loyal to their health, relationships and our boundaries.  I love my nation.  I am loyal to it's safety, community, culture and capital exchange.  

All of these are material principles I have etched in stone.  It's a give and take and involves a multitude of apologies and forgiveness.

However... How can we be loyal to God who we see as an ideal, another name for beauty, goodness or truth? He is spoken of in the Bible as a living, breathing, feeling human being.  How can we keep him at arms length as just a set of rules and moral guidelines after reading his many counts of forgiveness, love, healing, guiding, protection, mercy and grace?

We need to come to the Bible as you would a counselor, a therapist, a Father who knows your every lie, distrust, pain, and achievement with open arms.  How can you have a private conversation to a being with these qualities believing there is a great chasm you have to shout across to be understood?  

Picture yourself entering a room and He is sitting, waiting for you... he gives you a hug, says "I love you," then counsels you.  

His voice is inside you. 

We all have the capacity to come close to God, to feel what the disciples felt when they walked and talked with Jesus.  We fall short on our immediate faculties, seeing and hearing, and forget about feeling and our intuitions.  It's hard to push past the constant noise of the visible world, fighting itself, climbing the ever rising mountain of self-proclamation.  We doubt the spiritual world as real in the accepted meaning of the word.  It's hard to push past the noise of the visible world demanding its reality and finality. 

Shut your eyes, shut out the world that demands your attention like a 3 year old spoiled child.   God has no favorites. (Acts 10:34-36)

We are like Peter who loved the idea of Christ, but when he started walking on the water and trusted the physics of water more than the Creator of the elements,  he fell and started drowning.



God is real.  He is all around us.  As we come to Him, he will reveal his wonders, His Presence.  There is no place where God is not.  

 Psalm 139:7-10

Where can I go from your Spirit?    Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn,    if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. 

Take me back to the paradise city....

I'm still riding on two weekends of seeing 4 of my favoritest people in the world.  We talked, laughed, worked, talked again, laughed until we peed our pants, shared, talked some more, cried and laughed.  We were reminded of our faults growing up, how we have learned and reveled in our continuing love for each other in spite of what the world has done with us.  

I am still awed at the character and personality of each of my friends, how different and spectacular each of them are and how in God's name they are friends with me.  I believe it is all one sided, but then again... most of the best friendships/relationships should seem that way.

We are 7 strong...

Even when they are unique...
uniqueness finds a common ground....IMAGINATION!!

Girls talking and enjoying their company.

...and the littlest one said, "I want to fly!!!"

Yep....Friends Forever...
even after months of little communication and 12 hours time difference.

The thinker of the great idea of canoeing on the upper St. Croix....another wonderful friend
who lives 2 days away, but still... yep.... Friends Forever

We were standing on a huge sand bar in the middle of the river created by this little island.
We had a wonderful idea of taking a break from the laborious job of floating to sun ourselves.  However, the clouds you see in the background chased us off.  We got caught down river... but not as bad as if we would have stayed.

This fresh stream was coming from way back behind the woods, but we couldn't explore as it was
posted private property.  The miniature falls sounded pretty though.

Dalles Motel...where a lady from "The View" visits and cannot get enough.
Where you can get lost in the 70s in the Dalles Lounge next door.
Where you can forget about time if only for 24 hours.
And don't forget about Erik's canoe and kayak rental...cheaper than most, friendly to the pretty ladies and famous for Bill Murray using their services.

Pardon me.. Excuse me...Coming through...

I've literally had to convince myself that being a stay at home mom is a job.  

Wow... that sounds horrible.  

But here's the reason...  I have been part of the household income since my first job transplanting on Schneider's Farm at age 13.   

Now with 3 kids, my husband and I believe growing a child with two parents as the primary caregiver is the best.  

But that means my job is 24/7.  I'm not going into the whole rant of how a mother's job is wonderful, that she takes on many roles... blah, blah, blah.  I realize that.. it's a wonderful blessing to called to be a Mom.  I love it.  But when you have grown up living a contributing lifestyle otherwise the roof would crash down, it's hard to break that thought pattern.  I felt obliging.  So... the only thing I could do was throw myself in the deep end.  I was all in.  I didn't realize at the beginning I could call in sick if only for an hour or declare my own spa vacations for a night or with a list of directions, take the day off!!  

Now that the kids are older, I am able to get away longer.. for A WHOLE WEEKEND!!  We've all survived my trip to Florida and Georgia to see a best friend and an uncle. 

However, that doesn't compare to an accomplishment.  I've been taking  bits of time out of my day to keep myself somewhat healthy by weight lifting and doing something along the lines of cardio.   When my church came up with a squishy version of the mudder, wounded warrior, etc., and after completing the Michael Murphy I knew I could do it.  

Part of this whole accomplishment thing is a 4 part series...
1. JUMPING at the chance to do something purely selfish for myself.
2. USING EXPENSES when I do not contribute to the family income.
3. PASSING on my job to someone else.
4. ENCOURAGING another Mom to walk down the same dark path with me.

But my wonderful husband looked at all this, gave me the roll eyes, giving me the look of, "You are delusional, you need this, do NOT even bring this up again."

So I did it...

The more children you have.. the stronger you are.....

Forced bravado

I'm smiling because I have a good pace... 10 step from the starting line.
 It all went downhill after that first demon of a hill.

"Monkey bars like Kya... Monkey bars like Kya......"

ACCOMPLISHED!!!

effervescence

One big blow entered into the bubble's orb and it squeezed through the ridgid serrated hole and out into the  world. It floated awhile on that first breath feeling it's freedom and joy.

It felt its weightlessness, bounced a few times and spun wildly, it's iridescent colours dancing freely with it.  A secondary breath came from behind startling it making it spin backwards.  Another bubble bobbled into it stopping the spin but caused it to careen sideways. It floated silently, its colours dulled slightly.  A breeze gently guided it back into the pack, their colours flitting playfully with each other, bumping and jostling finding warm currents and rising.

A bubble jostling, bouncing off the other's around it found a cold air current and took it recklessly plummeting, diving into the ground.

The air around the bubble grew still and some of the other bubbles became slightly rigid adhering to a series of warm and cold currents, bumping each other into their paths giving each other frostline fractures on their surface.

The bubble bounced off these bubbles as they slowed and glided slightly up towards a gang of various size bubbles.

The larger bubbles were bouncing against each other jockeying into position as a smaller bubble floated in between them.  The small bubble, unable to move away, was caught halfway soldering the massive bubbles together. The smaller bubbles caught cold drafts and drifted away while the growing bubbles twist and turned until all the surrounding slower bubbles were caught up into the mass.

The glob moved around swallowing everything in it's path unaware of it's decline into the cement below.



The remaining bubbles lifted themselves onto the path of sunlight where the warm breezes were made giving them a boost into the sky.

The bubble climbed higher with the sunlit fed bubbles, their delicate lustrous skins caressed by the same air as from where they were made, being lifted toward the heavens.