Running Blind by Faith

While I was in the bathroom at my work, I noticed I had left the door unlatched. What was more interesting, I didn't then latch it. I just swung it a little more closed. After a few seconds of wondering why I did this, I concluded that it's the same reason why I have eyes on the bottom of my chin. I have also found there is no use in asking yourself "What if..." after your child crams 5 pieces of cheese in their mouth and proceeds to choke on it while sitting beside you. Also a picture taken by your daughter is more precious than your more careful one taken of her in the bath. This blog is dedicated to my daughter Kya who at the least expected moments makes me realize God really does know what he's doing.

Deserved Chances

Angela stood in front of me in my kitchen talking on her cell phone getting her next flight assignment, rolling her eyes. The stereotypical beautiful 40 year old off duty 5 foot 8 inch blond flight attendant with her highlighted blond hair caught up in her ball cap, everlast tank with a zippered sweatshirt and size 8 thin jeans. I stood there thinking how lucky I am to know a beautiful person like this who is so much more that what she looks like. "Amsterdam! When am I leaving?.... 9:30?..... O.K. That gives me 4 hours." She looked over to me. "Can I send my friend Eliza, instead?" She laughed hysterically telling me she didn't want to go. "Well, it was a chance anyways. Thanks Paul, I'll call back to get the rest of the details... O.K..... Bye." "What chance do I have of impersonating you?" I asked smiling Angela laughed. "Oh, I would get in so much trouble...I could just give you my uniform and you would just walk in and take over...." She hesitated laughing and I watched her while laughing wondering whether my cell phone would reach that far thinking she could just talk me through it.. "Wouldn't it be awesome? You're going to Amsterdam tonight!!" I said smiling my eyes wide open. "You know, I've been doing this for so long, it's like going to St. Paul for me... no big deal. It's awful I've gotten accustomed to the flights." Angela said rolling her eyes again. "Could we trade places?" I asked partially serious. "That's all I want to do tonight! I could do this. Not all the time though... Sometimes I wonder how you do this? Keep a clean house, all your projects, and have happy kids." I snorted, "You're kidding! The house is a mess! I need to finish washing the camping clothes, vaccum, fold and put away the mound of clothes on the couch and haven't even gotten to the pot of tomatoes and beans to wash and cook to can." I said scrubbing my face with my hands. Angela leaned close, "But those are your projects, that's a working house! The most important thing is that your kids are happy, the rest is pudding." I nodded. "Yeah, I wouldn't trade. I couldn't do a red eye and then sleep through the day to get up and do another red eye to Tokyo. But it would be nice to have a little blip once in a while. Now that Barry has his boat, he's happy since he figured he deserved it. I agree with him with his own life in context. How do you know what you deserve. If it's available and the pieces fit together that the getting is easy, then yes, it was deserved. Cause and effect. You don't know whether or not until it actually happened. If we're talking of deserving, I think squatting two kids out deserves more than what I want. Life tells you what you deserve and I have kids from a marriage. I want Italy, my dad wanted an elk farm in Colorado, but he got 50 years on a dairy farm and 3 kids. But like I said, I wouldn't change my life...I just couldn't do the dating scene again.... speaking of dating, did you ever get a call from the guy from the bar?" I said taking a breath. Angela laughed, "No, and I'm glad. Did he call you about playing softball?" "No... I don't think he would have really fit in our league. He seemed really competative." "Yeah, I think he was trying to find people to attach to since he's only been here 5 months." I nodded, "I think we're a little more laid back than Las Vegas people or at least the people going into MGM." Angela laughed as the baby monitor squawked sounding a lot similar to Ethan's screach. "Duty calls," I said motioning at the monitor with my head. As Angela walked out the door, she called back, "I'll bring you some gouda!"

Poop and peace

I try showing everything is peachy keen on most days to neighbors, coworkers, and friends.

I am a boring matter of fact woman

who cannot keep her hands off of her

husband because he is so damn cute.

I discipline my children more often on my "broken glass" days and love them up even more minutes after "time-out".

I learned to love my eternal friend,

confidont, and lover while separated

from my first husband.

I would rather avoid face to face conflict by swallowing my own intuitions and needs.

I am a coward.

I have endured separation, death of my father, job change, career change, divorce, 2 moves, birth of my daughter and image change all in 2 years.

I have found I am nobody but myself

and I have a purpose in life that when

I finally figure it out, I'll find myself in heaven.

I have found to work with the grasshoppers in your garden, because God has put them there for your use and enjoyment.

I have 4 best friends who have been

with me through all of this, and still love me.

All of this is called life and I did none of this alone thanks to the love of my Father in heaven and the angels here on earth, especially my husband.

Moments

Think of the last "moment" you had. You know, moments that are always remembered when it's triggered by smell, sight, etc. Mine was camping. My husband and daughter had gone down early in the morning to catch our breakfast. After a couple of hours and several cups of coffee, my son and I followed to see if they needed water or food. The morning was still very quiet with loons calling and the wind in the tops of the trees. Water was laping at the shore and docks. The air was fresh with lake water and dew from the grass. Every step I took was a meeting of the uncomplicated. And then I saw Kya and Barrett fishing. It's that thought in your mind you remember from way back while trying on your wedding dress. Or while talking to your significant other about things you'd be doing 5-10 years from now. And it's finally come to fruition, but you'd never dreamed it would be this good.

smells? Priceless...

Everytime my Aunt Ruth drives by a rather odiferous farm says, "Smells like money!"

Smells like that to me are, well, memorable.

Living on a farm, I think I've smelled

the full bouquet that has come out of a

cow, sheep, chicken's bum that I care to admit.

Apart from that... I woke up yesterday morning, walked out to the deck, smelled the air and immediately was transported back to the days at the farm in the summertime after my dad finished cutting the alfalfa. It's this green, warm, sweet, lime and clover smell.

It's as though you want to be turned into a cow

to be able to eat it. It is also a smell of

walking without a time limit with long strides;

warm sun filling your body to the tips

of your toes; working on the earth's schedule

in which the time clock is your own eternal clock;

and a feeling of peace which comes at the peak

of complete and total chaos that everything will fall into place.

That peace is the same after smelling my son's hair after lunch, my daughter's neck when she gives me a hug after her bath, and my husband in the morning.

Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. Luke 12:22-27

a distant memory

One of the things Bill Cosby said about getting old was, "You know you're getting old when you bend over to dry your feet and water pours out of your belly button."

Well, for women after squeezing 2 pups out, the water never has a chance. I am fighting a loosing battle over the belly button plunge. When I was 18, I had this very cute bellybutton.

I remember it, because I could see it.

Now, I can see the top of it. Well, the part that could be pierced... I wonder if God knew the pain he told Eve she was going to have would be passed down endless lines of women to end up with me wondering whether I want to go through piercing my bellybutton and having it ripped out because my monkey children would think it fun to use my belly as a stepping stone.

It sounds like I'm complaining... I'm really not.

I have paid my dues and am proud of my accomplishments.

All of them...from carrying to term 2 beautiful children

and gaining back my body I had when

I was dating my husband. Just think a shorter Gabrielle Reese...

without the face... and the 10 foot spike...

Anyways...to each their own.

Onward and forward... with the search of the fountain of youth...

If anyone wants to know... it is here in my house.

Mind's Eye

Growing up next to water, I'm forever connected to it. My life depends on it literally. I love how water finds a path and filters itself. One of my finds i consider priceless are artisian wells. I have yet to come upon an oasis, but I think looking for freshwater in a swamp is a real find.

Question of the day.....

Would you rather go without water in a desert or drink standing water

in a swamp no matter where it is?

same day

I am now on my 7th month of working out and have lost 25 lbs. I started with 159 and am down to 137,8,6,7,140,137....I am a scaleaholic. I'm not as bad as I used to be, weighing in twice a day. Now, it's only once a week. I learned that from infinityfitness.com. Your body takes 4 days to go through a day of food. So what you ate and drank over the weekend, will show up thursday...However, each body is different and mine shows up in 3 days... I have also found a great diet found in the Runner's World magazine that has helped with energy and the mind numbing choices of what to eat. Infinityfitness has a great diet in which you eat 80% of your body's daily requirement of calories Monday through Friday and then Saturday and Sunday eat 120%. It works. My recommendation for EVERYONE... DO NOT try diet pills!! You will spend time earning money to pay for the pills when you could use that time to exercise. They are NOT worth it!!! If exercising and a good healthy diet doesn't work... ask your doctor.

Day 11,727

I have this awful habit of thinking so loudly I think people hear me. So when I talk to others, I bring them halfway into my thoughts. They stand there wondering how many people actually have admittance and who have actually paid to be in my head. Unfortunately, my daughter has the same thing. Only her conversations are outloud from the time she got up this morning at 7 am until she falls asleep at 9pm. I should be rich right now making children stories out of the vinettes she tells. Until she figures out the secret of internal dialog I am bombarded with stories of alligators coming out of eggs just like chickens, bandaids that look like sharks on her fingers, swimming under water with the fishes and how her brother Ethan can't leave her color coordinated Legos alone.