A quickening of her mind sent her rolling onto her stomach. Her bed usually made her body and mind respond by giving it the permission to power down. Now, it felt like a rock under her newly nauseated belly. "Oh, %$#@! Breath, bitch!" she hissed to herself. The wormlike nerves crept up her diaphragm and forearms, making her feet cold and sweaty. Seconds later, the worms crept into her upper chest and throat to make her throat constrict. She swallowed and groaned and felt the pressure behind her eyes and pricks of pain under her skull at the top of her head. She stared at her aging light blue-grey carpet and focused her mind on the fraying fibers to shut out the frantic communication between her mind and body. She brought her hands forward from her sides to her face and held her forehead, tapping like a despondent child on a sleeping parent's door, uncertain of the reaction being woken up again for the 4th time that night. She turned her thoughts to her hypnotist's instructions. "I thought I was done with this", she fumed shaking her already unsteady hands. She flipped to her back again and rolled over feeling her leg hairs standing up. She wiped her hands on her ripped shorts, closed her eyes, and breathed deeply counting from 10 to 1 in her mind. She imagined herself walking down stone stairs in a birch and cedar forest at dusk. She felt her body slowly sink into the bed; her heart like a lead sinker. At 1, she touched her thumb and first finger together and felt the familiar sunset warmth grow beneath her breastbone. Images of sturdy cedar trunks, pine needles strewen forest floor, tamarack boughs made her smell memories of her childhood in the family acreage. Several of her past moments of unwarranted anxiety and despair materialized; she immediately connected them to the real achievements and lashed the memories together. When that happened, the memory transformed, adding itself to the joy that was replacing the worms that had been raviging her.
November 06, 2014
Best seats in the house
The parade came to town!
A little girl and her father packed up snacks, drinks, and chairs and headed to the parade route. The people had arrived way ahead of time and already were sitting three rows deep. The father, being an experienced parade goer and very much a child at heart, knew the best seats were not taken. The child, however, was getting more and more dejected by the minute. The father could see the disappointment on his daughter's face but smiled at her and told her to trust him she would see the parade in style.
A little girl and her father packed up snacks, drinks, and chairs and headed to the parade route. The people had arrived way ahead of time and already were sitting three rows deep. The father, being an experienced parade goer and very much a child at heart, knew the best seats were not taken. The child, however, was getting more and more dejected by the minute. The father could see the disappointment on his daughter's face but smiled at her and told her to trust him she would see the parade in style.
As the time grew nearer, she became more and more anxious that she wouldn't get a good seat. She pulled on her father's jacket and said she was going to the front because she saw a space on the street curb. The father asked if she was sure because he had a spot all picked out. She was getting desperate and nodded quickly and started pushing toward the front. As she was leaving, the father called out to say the spot will always be open if she changed her mind. She waved her hand to tell him she heard him.
The parade was wonderful. It was more colorful than they had imagined. Candy was thrown and faces were painted and clowns made balloon animals and turned somersaults and the band drums were felt through everyone's toes up to their stomachs. The child had a front-row seat.
But she was squished and jostled and elbowed and yelled at and candy was taken away because there were so many other children looking for attention. She was getting hot and the street was dusty and smelled from the exhaust, horses, and tires. She wasn't able to see everything as she watched legs go by and the bottoms of floats and undercarriages of cars.
As the parade was winding down, she pushed her way back to her father who was waiting, watching her carefully. He held out his hands to her and lifted her up to his shoulders and she found, there, in all its glory, was the parade. She had a shoulder seat, protected from all the greed and attention-getters. She was high up to see the tops of the floats and the glorious decorations. She was able to see the instruments of the bands and the beautiful faces of the people instead of just their legs. She could see the smiles of the riders as they pranced on the horses. She waved to the people in the cars and trucks and even caught some of the candy they threw at her! She felt the wind blow in her face as she saw all the flags fluttering and streamers flying.
She hugged her dad tightly and whispered, "Thank you", and was glad to have a strong father who knew what she needed the most.
2 Timothy 2:22
October 28, 2014
Why is there a desire to immediately fix brokenness?
Is it to be normal in a world of glass houses? Is it to stave off attention to yourself; not to be seen as a problem and to be talked about? Is it to keep walking the same pace, the same path as everyone around you? Is it to always be useful and not be burden on anyone else?
Or is it a desire always to be happy? Even if you smile too much your cheeks hurt and that place behind your ears ache...or if you laugh too much, your sides grow weak and painful. And if you cannot help but smile all the time, you are seen as a fool.
Comparison makes cowards of us all. Who are we living for anyways. If my Creator wants me to flounder a bit to be strengthened, to grow, and to find a new path, then so be it. Therefore I delight in my brokenness because where I am stumbling I am only to find my Rock on which I delight in an unending strength.
Is it to be normal in a world of glass houses? Is it to stave off attention to yourself; not to be seen as a problem and to be talked about? Is it to keep walking the same pace, the same path as everyone around you? Is it to always be useful and not be burden on anyone else?
Or is it a desire always to be happy? Even if you smile too much your cheeks hurt and that place behind your ears ache...or if you laugh too much, your sides grow weak and painful. And if you cannot help but smile all the time, you are seen as a fool.
Comparison makes cowards of us all. Who are we living for anyways. If my Creator wants me to flounder a bit to be strengthened, to grow, and to find a new path, then so be it. Therefore I delight in my brokenness because where I am stumbling I am only to find my Rock on which I delight in an unending strength.
September 23, 2013
Run the race - Part Three
At the pinnacle of the race, some of the racers have taken it on themselves to enforce the rules and the people in charge of holding the major rules become the hypercritical spiritual police, a wild man comes running through the crowd yelling about some uber-runner who will be the pacemaker and no one needs to run for their life anymore..just run for fun!
This causes a stir in the crowd and everyone is imagining who this person will be... A major enforcer? A race official? A lean and sinewy model?
When a Forrest Gump looking guy starts running with everyone holding the pace, healing broken runners along the way and encouraging runners to be more like him, the HSP (hypercritical spiritual police) take offense at this low life and try to run him off the road. But the other runners flock around him and he keeps encouraging, telling stories of runners long past, of new ways of running that didn't focus on what was wrong but focusing on how well you were running. He answered everyone's questions and gave instinctive advice. Best of all, his water bottle is filled with the purest tasting water, never emptied, even when he shared it....He was like a walking textbook of perfect running!
The HSP wanted him gone..they would be out of a job ..... Everyone was listening to him! They needed to remind everyone about the rules and push consequences! The people were getting lax on not treating the rules more precious than water! This is how you ran!! This is how you stayed on course! THIS IS HOW YOU WERE ABLE TO LIVE!!
Yes, the pacemaker knew all the rules, too well. He knew the course as if he had designed it himself! But he hadn't conferred with them and didn't prove himself to their standards! They wanted him gone.
They got together and bribed a runner with secret bathrooms and fruit stands to get them into the group of runners surrounding the pacemaker. As they broke him away from the pack, they realized he did this of his own accord, and the race came to a halt. This angered them even further, so right there on the spot, they slashed his Achilles' tendon bringing the pacemaker to his knees and smothered him in front of everyone.
As he lay there, everyone realized no one was running anymore. The earth kept spinning without them making it move, the course was still laid out waiting to be run, the wind was still blowing over everyone's faces keeping them cool. The quiet was deafening.
Then the wailing started. The crowd of people lost their encourager! This person who ran with them, who kept their mind off of the actual race, keeping them focused on the Finish Line, on what was precious about running was GONE!! They lost this wonderful storyteller who spoke as if he was there! This runner who knew the course like it was written on the back of his hand!
For three hours the runners cried wondering what to do with his body, should they carry it with them? Should they make a monument in his honor? They were at a loss.
Then the Pacemaker stirred. He sat up, took a deep breath, got to his knees, stood up straight to the amazement to everyone around and declared with a clear, deep, resonating voice...
... the race to save their lives was OVER!!!!
He would be the runner from now on. He would run for everyone else. However, if anyone wanted to keep improving and listening to stories to be encouraged, they were more than welcome to follow him...if they could keep up with him. He would yell out instructions and tell stories and help a runner up if they fell. Also if any runner would lag behind, he would have his twin help out with whispers of encouragement and directions for the course.
Some people gladly followed him while others found him along the way.
There were some who declared they were running but found other activities to keep themselves occupied and found themselves running in circles.
Then there were the who hated the Pacemaker and kept their focus on making examples of the Him and his followers. What they failed to realize, they just gave the followers their PRIZE, while the haters kept on running, forever chasing everyone around them, never even coming close to the FINISH LINE.
To God be the Glory.
This causes a stir in the crowd and everyone is imagining who this person will be... A major enforcer? A race official? A lean and sinewy model?
When a Forrest Gump looking guy starts running with everyone holding the pace, healing broken runners along the way and encouraging runners to be more like him, the HSP (hypercritical spiritual police) take offense at this low life and try to run him off the road. But the other runners flock around him and he keeps encouraging, telling stories of runners long past, of new ways of running that didn't focus on what was wrong but focusing on how well you were running. He answered everyone's questions and gave instinctive advice. Best of all, his water bottle is filled with the purest tasting water, never emptied, even when he shared it....He was like a walking textbook of perfect running!
The HSP wanted him gone..they would be out of a job ..... Everyone was listening to him! They needed to remind everyone about the rules and push consequences! The people were getting lax on not treating the rules more precious than water! This is how you ran!! This is how you stayed on course! THIS IS HOW YOU WERE ABLE TO LIVE!!
Yes, the pacemaker knew all the rules, too well. He knew the course as if he had designed it himself! But he hadn't conferred with them and didn't prove himself to their standards! They wanted him gone.
They got together and bribed a runner with secret bathrooms and fruit stands to get them into the group of runners surrounding the pacemaker. As they broke him away from the pack, they realized he did this of his own accord, and the race came to a halt. This angered them even further, so right there on the spot, they slashed his Achilles' tendon bringing the pacemaker to his knees and smothered him in front of everyone.
As he lay there, everyone realized no one was running anymore. The earth kept spinning without them making it move, the course was still laid out waiting to be run, the wind was still blowing over everyone's faces keeping them cool. The quiet was deafening.
Then the wailing started. The crowd of people lost their encourager! This person who ran with them, who kept their mind off of the actual race, keeping them focused on the Finish Line, on what was precious about running was GONE!! They lost this wonderful storyteller who spoke as if he was there! This runner who knew the course like it was written on the back of his hand!
For three hours the runners cried wondering what to do with his body, should they carry it with them? Should they make a monument in his honor? They were at a loss.
Then the Pacemaker stirred. He sat up, took a deep breath, got to his knees, stood up straight to the amazement to everyone around and declared with a clear, deep, resonating voice...
... the race to save their lives was OVER!!!!
He would be the runner from now on. He would run for everyone else. However, if anyone wanted to keep improving and listening to stories to be encouraged, they were more than welcome to follow him...if they could keep up with him. He would yell out instructions and tell stories and help a runner up if they fell. Also if any runner would lag behind, he would have his twin help out with whispers of encouragement and directions for the course.
Some people gladly followed him while others found him along the way.
There were some who declared they were running but found other activities to keep themselves occupied and found themselves running in circles.
Then there were the who hated the Pacemaker and kept their focus on making examples of the Him and his followers. What they failed to realize, they just gave the followers their PRIZE, while the haters kept on running, forever chasing everyone around them, never even coming close to the FINISH LINE.
To God be the Glory.
September 17, 2013
Run the Race - Part Two
After watching His runners flounder time and time again, waiting for them to ask for His help, God stepped in and gave them MORE rules for a smoother run.
Firstly, He gives them rules on how to remember that He created the course, therefore, thank Him for it and how to thank Him for it. Also some of the runners were getting all high and mighty that they could run faster and better than anyone else, so God made them priests so they would be in charge of praising and thanking God for their abilities and for all of God's creation. And when the runners didn't follow the course, or use their rest areas for what it was meant for, or pushing another runner off the course, or other serious grievances, they were given more miles to run that day in order to make up for their errors. The rules also listed foods to eat to be prepared to run and to enhance endurance and clothes to wear to cut down on friction and promote modesty.
Secondly, God gave them civil rules to preserve the unity of running. To make running with one another to be helpful and not show off since they were all running toward the same finish line.. there was no reason for the hostility. Consequences were lain out and held by a select few.
Thirdly, the 10 Commandments. Permanent and unchangeable moral laws. These he gave to another select group and asked they carry them and protect them and teach them to everyone.
Even with these rules, the runners faltered again and again; thinking they were alone in the race, thinking of their own personal gain and thanking stones for their guidance even worshiping animals along the way.
So God sent prophets, race sub-officials, to run alongside to remind the runners about the rules. They were also sent to give the runners HOPE that a change was going to happen. In that, most of the rules were not going to be needed. There was going to be an UBER-runner who was going to do most of the work and all they had to do was RUN. The runners wouldn't have to worry about how to dress, making sure what tone of voice to use when thanking God for His course and creation. And the biggie... not having to run that extra mile because of an error.
However, the runners had interpreted the rules so much, so when the prophets corrected them, the runners thought the prophets crazy and ran them off the road.
There were the select few who listened to God and genuinely knew He wanted them to have the best race ever so God rewarded them with children to slow them down and see again through new eyes to be reminded of God's creation. God gave them ocean front runs, more rest stops and carefully timed bathroom breaks and every once in a while, to a particularly great runner, a golden golf cart to carry him the rest of the way to the FINISH LINE.
Firstly, He gives them rules on how to remember that He created the course, therefore, thank Him for it and how to thank Him for it. Also some of the runners were getting all high and mighty that they could run faster and better than anyone else, so God made them priests so they would be in charge of praising and thanking God for their abilities and for all of God's creation. And when the runners didn't follow the course, or use their rest areas for what it was meant for, or pushing another runner off the course, or other serious grievances, they were given more miles to run that day in order to make up for their errors. The rules also listed foods to eat to be prepared to run and to enhance endurance and clothes to wear to cut down on friction and promote modesty.
Secondly, God gave them civil rules to preserve the unity of running. To make running with one another to be helpful and not show off since they were all running toward the same finish line.. there was no reason for the hostility. Consequences were lain out and held by a select few.
Thirdly, the 10 Commandments. Permanent and unchangeable moral laws. These he gave to another select group and asked they carry them and protect them and teach them to everyone.
Even with these rules, the runners faltered again and again; thinking they were alone in the race, thinking of their own personal gain and thanking stones for their guidance even worshiping animals along the way.
So God sent prophets, race sub-officials, to run alongside to remind the runners about the rules. They were also sent to give the runners HOPE that a change was going to happen. In that, most of the rules were not going to be needed. There was going to be an UBER-runner who was going to do most of the work and all they had to do was RUN. The runners wouldn't have to worry about how to dress, making sure what tone of voice to use when thanking God for His course and creation. And the biggie... not having to run that extra mile because of an error.
However, the runners had interpreted the rules so much, so when the prophets corrected them, the runners thought the prophets crazy and ran them off the road.
There were the select few who listened to God and genuinely knew He wanted them to have the best race ever so God rewarded them with children to slow them down and see again through new eyes to be reminded of God's creation. God gave them ocean front runs, more rest stops and carefully timed bathroom breaks and every once in a while, to a particularly great runner, a golden golf cart to carry him the rest of the way to the FINISH LINE.
September 16, 2013
Run the race - Part One
I was up all night thinking about this one... not rationalizing thinking.. a developing story thinking.
It started from the Holy Spirit who doesn't think I need sleep some nights who planted running on my brain. He then steered me toward, "How does this fit into the concept of the Bible as a whole," and then just walked off, chuckling.
OooH! I GOT this one!! Yeah.. for 2 hours when I should be SLEEPING! But then, of course, when else do I listen to him.
Touche, Holy Spirit, Touche.
So.. I'm going to do this in parts as I'm still thinking this through.
God creates this perfect running course, jam-packed full of wondrous sights, mountains, rivers, animals, running on the beach by an ocean, sunsets, sunrises, with floating Gatorade/Water/Fruit stands, angels cheering on every step of the way. Supplied with bathroom breaks right when you need them and when you just can't anymore, a shiny new golden golf cart to carry you to the next rest station or to the Finish Line to collect your PRIZE, the reason for the race.
This prize is.. you guessed it, EVERLASTING LIFE like you've never had it before. Even better than this paradise! The only rule is... Don't eat the Fruit at Mile marker 50, there are TONS of other fruit, DON'T eat the Fruit at Mile marker 50!
We all know how that went.
So 'POOF'.. in a second, gravity takes over and Eve needs to wear a sports bra and cotton briefs and Adam needs to sling his junk up. Oh, and now here's a map with stationary diluted Gatorade/city water/non-local fruit stands, no one cheering every step of the way. Bathroom breaks are farther apart and they will have to remember which leaf to use....
and your course... its thataway, see that desert? Yep, no more oceanfront beach runs for them anymore. Here are the Last Chance rules, follow them.
They take off and have two babies. Cain and Able. Cain can't stand how Able is all happy and singing about how he LOOOOVES to run and dedicates every 3rd mile to God because he's ECSTATIC he's able to run and the course is ABSOLUTELY the BEST course EVER! At the pinnacle of Cain's irritation, he pushes Able over a ledge while Able's praising God at the top of his lungs.
Later God asks Cain where Able was.... God banishes Cain from the course, setting him apart from everyone...
It started from the Holy Spirit who doesn't think I need sleep some nights who planted running on my brain. He then steered me toward, "How does this fit into the concept of the Bible as a whole," and then just walked off, chuckling.
OooH! I GOT this one!! Yeah.. for 2 hours when I should be SLEEPING! But then, of course, when else do I listen to him.
Touche, Holy Spirit, Touche.
So.. I'm going to do this in parts as I'm still thinking this through.
God creates this perfect running course, jam-packed full of wondrous sights, mountains, rivers, animals, running on the beach by an ocean, sunsets, sunrises, with floating Gatorade/Water/Fruit stands, angels cheering on every step of the way. Supplied with bathroom breaks right when you need them and when you just can't anymore, a shiny new golden golf cart to carry you to the next rest station or to the Finish Line to collect your PRIZE, the reason for the race.
This prize is.. you guessed it, EVERLASTING LIFE like you've never had it before. Even better than this paradise! The only rule is... Don't eat the Fruit at Mile marker 50, there are TONS of other fruit, DON'T eat the Fruit at Mile marker 50!
We all know how that went.
So 'POOF'.. in a second, gravity takes over and Eve needs to wear a sports bra and cotton briefs and Adam needs to sling his junk up. Oh, and now here's a map with stationary diluted Gatorade/city water/non-local fruit stands, no one cheering every step of the way. Bathroom breaks are farther apart and they will have to remember which leaf to use....
and your course... its thataway, see that desert? Yep, no more oceanfront beach runs for them anymore. Here are the Last Chance rules, follow them.
They take off and have two babies. Cain and Able. Cain can't stand how Able is all happy and singing about how he LOOOOVES to run and dedicates every 3rd mile to God because he's ECSTATIC he's able to run and the course is ABSOLUTELY the BEST course EVER! At the pinnacle of Cain's irritation, he pushes Able over a ledge while Able's praising God at the top of his lungs.
Later God asks Cain where Able was.... God banishes Cain from the course, setting him apart from everyone...
September 14, 2013
Upside down world
Someone please tell me what is ok with reading the news and finding out people paying for a bone marrow transplant for your dog and then 5 minutes later also read a bill is currently in the works that a non-physician type person can perform an abortion.????
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